Image captions The Ignorant Gardener  by Yurian Quintanas Nobel

Each image is accompanied by a caption that mimics the style often used in gardening books and catalogues, but with a surreal twist that enhances the project’s message 

Manually operated wicker crossbow guillotine for cutting pumpkins. Its elliptical mechanism produces a force capable of slicing all types of pumpkins regardless of their size or thickness. Due to its lack of precision and to avoid accidents, it is advisable to handle it with a motorcycle helmet and clogs.

DIY autonomous weather station with hydrograph, anemometer, barometerand rain gauge. Its self-calibrating floating candle system collects data from the different atmospheric variables to predict the weather in your garden. It won’t save you from a climate catastrophe, but if it gets it right, at least you’ll know when to wear a hat or when to put on some gumboots. It has a success rate of 15%.

All in one planting gizmo to dig, sow and bury comfortably and with all thenecessary tools always at your disposal.

In order for the hen to be encouraged to hatch her eggs, it is important to accommodate her environment. Stand a wooden plank upright and surround it with sharp objects such as nails, needles, or glass. On occasion the eggs can come out triangular, these are usually smaller in size but are tastier.

Watering eggplants at midnight, which is when the biosynthetic phase of photosynthesis is occurring, activates a unique phenological phenomenon in botany. The natural growth programming of the eggplant is altered causing instant cloning of the fruits and causing production to multiply up to eight times. This type of crop is dangerous because it can cause trypophobia.

The ha-ba-va, also known as Walterian mimicry, is a method of medieval origin that is characterized by accelerating the process of harvesting the broad bean through flowering by deceit. When a pretty flower is planted nearby, the pods automatically split open, leaving the beans within everyone’s reach and ready for consumption.

Mikado Graft: The Pimonillo.

Electromagnetic field metal separator with flexible coil. Extracts and retains metallic elements from the earth. Especially indicated for cleaning up orchards and gardens on land with a high density of debris.

Broken sieve to filter the largest stones in the garden.

To grow colanders it is essential to plant a seven-pronged rake and water it with metal mesh for 234 days. Fertilizing periodically with artichokes and knives favors its purifying qualities. To avoid setbacks and obtain optimal growth, it is recommended to stake the assembly with stones and tape.

Roller garden gate with counterweight opening mechanism, rotating key and phosphorescent signage to find the exit on the darkest nights.

Multi-latch adaptable flowerpot stand to ensure the safety and comfort of your plants. It’s also suitable for urban gardens and balconies.

Floating tool organizer with 4 adjustable floors to store all types of gadgets in a practical way and allowing to maximize space saving. Its rudimentary style is designed to blend in with the environment vegetation and makes it imperceptible to possible thiefs.

Self-sufficient irrigation system with centrifugal ventilation. Ideal for growing summer fruits like the watermelon. With this system, the water produced by the fruit itself is used for self-feeding it and thus save water resources in dry conditions.